Fighting Failure
I'm struggling bad to get back on track....I was so close before Christmas and then I just derailed and am having the hardest time just doing the right thing.
I find myself all over the place and I need to figure out how to get back to center.
I'm not tracking anything really, I have no goals that I can get a concrete hold on...I'm all over the place.

Today I got back on the scale...I'm 308.8...not bad, not great.
I'm having the hardest time breaking that 300.00

I need to be accountable to myself, I need to have balance, I need to be happy.
I am none of those things.

I'm a mess...I think all the time that I have cancer or a blood clot and am minutes away from dying.
I'm eating like crap....I can't tell you the last time I had 5 fresh fruits and/or veg in a day.
I'm not sleeping well at all.
I'm focusing on all the wrong things.

I feel lost.
I feel unworthy.
I feel sad.

I have to find my way back otherwise I'm gonna die.

I'm here...I'm struggling but I'm here.
Tomorrow I will take a weight and see where I'm at...I'm sure it's not good.
But it's workable. I have been exercising just not consistently so I don't how I expect it work when I'm not doing it everyday.
I'm trying to find balance between working, cleaning, exercise and painting.
I hate that working full time takes SO much of my time but I've created a plan that will work. I have to hold myself accountable and take little steps. I will get there if I just keep going.
Today I am achy....my calves are hurting pretty bad and I'm not sleeping well.
Just take a breath and calm your mind and start again.
I got so close to getting under 300 and then everything just went haywire crazy.
I need to stop being afraid of being healthy.
Breath...walk the path...enjoy the day..
Will post my weight tomorrow and will go from there.