When I close my eyes, I envision my new life and it is beautiful. NOT perfect, but beautiful.
We own the house we live in...instead of just renting it. The backyard finally has a fence and I'm able to play with my puppies and watch them run around like crazy while I do yoga on the back porch. I see the walls painted the colors I've chosen, the new windows open while the fall breeze flows through the house. As the fall changes into winter, I decorate the house inside and out for Christmas. It is breathtaking.

One by one, all the pieces of clothes sitting in my closet waiting for me to fit into again come off the hangers and onto my body. The UTC basketball jersey my daughter got me two years ago, the gypsy dress I wore when my brother in law got married, the blue fluffy fleece Eeyore hoodie, my various size jeans, my jean skort, and finally the white flowered blue Little House on the Prairie dress I got married in.

Each decision that I make, both negative and positive, both intentional and unconsciously determine my ability to transform the dream into reality. To be cognizant of one's choices, quite frankly is taxing. You just can't throw caution to the wind and see what may, those days are over because when left to your own devices, you choose poorly.

ARGH.....

But what you get at the end of the journey, after mastering the struggles, after embracing the demons....is peace. I will always have to stay on target when it comes to my weight, I will always have to make exercise a priority in my life. But to have freedom of movement, to walk up the stairs, to walk down the stairs, to not feel weighed down to the universe. To cross my legs, to do the yoga pose thread the needle or tree without falling over. To stretch and be mobile and agile.

This is what health is, not a specific size or weight. Just to present in your body and enjoy the movement. I close my eyes again and I see the future...and it is......mine.